Michael Anne Conley

Habits into Health is for you if
• You are are dealing with habits that don't serve you,
• You've tried other methods to turn your habits around without success,
• You've made a great start and you want to move to your next level,
• You're ready to try a new approach to shift the direction of your life in a way that serves you!

If you're like most people today, you already know "why" you are where you are. As a holistic therapist and habit change expert, I can tell you that insight and willpower are not enough to create change. It’s usually not enough to just take action without understanding.

What I discovered in my own life, and that I will share with you, is a path to change that connects action and insight. You can stop all the side-stepping and start moving your life forward with habits that serve you!

Who me, procrastinate? WOW Talks event

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Monday, Feb. 20, 2017:  7-9 pm

Stillpoint Center, Lafayette CA

Are you ready to unfriend your “sticky” Procrastination (and also its companions, Worry and Guilt ). Join me and discover the difference between avoiding and incubating, so your intentions start working for you instead of blocking your way.

 

My Interview on VoiceAmerica radio: Tuesday 8/23/16

When the season makes that shift from summer into fall, what kind of energy emerges in you?   Do you engage with with what nature is telling you during this time, or do you fight the harvest?

Join me at 11 am Pacific Time today when I’ll be talking about balance in the fall season,  as we enter the transition in which summer fades into fall for those of us in the North.  South of the Equator, spring is beckoning to summer.

Rebecca Hall Gruyter hosts “Empowering Women, Transforming Lives” on Tuesdays at 11 am Pacific Time.   I’ll be sharing the hour with gifted master of movement Vicki Dello Joio.

You feel like what?

hih-pix_feeling-eggsStop Saying ‘I Feel Like,’ was the headline. My clients know that this would catch my attention!

As a health professional since the 1980s, I’ve identified a problem with the common saying “I feel like.”  I’ve guided clients in following “I feel” with feeling words — as a skill in honesty and clean communication.

An op-ed piece in The New York Times addresses this in the political realm.

But this is more than semantics in politics, because feelings are inherently physical and internal experiences. Expressing feelings communicates the connection we are experiencing within ourselves to others.

Sharing our feelings is not just honest. It’s an effective strategy for relating to those we care about. For instance, when you say “I feel” and then really express a feeling (upset, angry, afraid, worried), it belongs to you, inside. Someone may not like it, and they can try to argue that what you feel isn’t what you feel. But when you know what you feel and communicate that, their arguments don’t stick. So expressing what’s going on with you by sharing your feelings invites them to respond on a feeling level, too.

When you say “I feel LIKE . . .” or a common variation, “I feel THAT . . .” what follows will likely be your assessment or analysis. You’re in your head, rather than feeling. It not only demonstrates distance from your own emotions, it does not support connection with the other person, who is likely to counter your position with their own analysis. Heads talking instead of hearts sharing.

Many of us use words that seem to express feeling, but really don’t.  If you want to create even more distance from someone else, try another variation.  Just say “I feel YOU. . . .” The words that follow will usually be experienced as an accusation, even if you don’t intend it, because it seems that you’re telling them what’s going on inside them. People don’t usually appreciate that.  For instance, when you say “I feel judged” you’re not really sharing a feeling, because it implies that someone else is doing something TO you.   “I feel you . . . ” invites defensiveness and even backlash.

A healthier way to go is to dive in and feel what’s occurring inside you when you believe or think someone else is judging you.  Just start with the basic four feelings:  Bad, mad, sad and glad.

Don’t just believe what I say about “I feel like” and its variations.  Take a week and notice this in your common, everyday experience, not just in observing your own way of talking about your feelings, but in how others talk as well.

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Psychotherapist appreciation moment:  We all owe a shout out to Dr. Thomas Gordon. He was a clinical psychologist who initiated Parent Effectiveness Training in 1962 (his book with the same name came out in 1970). Gordon was a pioneer in teaching conflict resolution skills to parents. P.E.T. includes “I-Messages,” also called “I-Statements,” with an “I feel. . . ” component. Along with other skills in relationship-building, Gordon had a big impact spreading healthy relating skills to the world at large.

 

What is your drinking telling you? (Usual Suspect #1)

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Are you drinking more than you like?

Is it hard to admit?

Join the club. So many of us drink at some time in our lives that it’s a common everyday habit (It’s actually legal to drink in all but a dozen nations in the world.)

On the problem side the Habit Continuum, I call drinking alcohol “Usual Suspect #1.” Liquor, beer and wine are just plain sneaky. It can take years for them to tell you the truth. The worst side of the drinking continuum, alcoholism, is called “Slow Suicide” because it lies to you about what it’s doing to you, while it cheats you of your health and steals your future.

No wonder denial about drinking is so rampant. Who would ever want to [Read more…]

What is Your Mother Story?

In search of my mother’s garden, I found my own.

~ Alice Walker, In Search of Our Mothers’ Gardens, 1983

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My mother and I were both born in August, 26 years apart. This year my mom, Dorothy McVerry Conley, marks 90 years on the planet, which is quite an achievement. The 64 years that I’ve known my mother represent the longest relationship I’ve ever experienced. Knowing how many others cannot say this, I am especially grateful.

Whether or not we knew our mother in person, we each have stories about her. A friend of mine lost her first mother at birth. Given up for adoption, she grew up under the wing of a second mother. She always knew that her birth mother wanted her to be adopted by parents of the same national heritage. This was honored in her adoptive family, which valued connection to the old country. She eventually found her first mother. Another friend was left with only guesses and dreams. Each found her way toward herself.

[Read more…]

Self-Influence: Your Path to Freedom

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Are you a daring woman over 50? Check out my article,  “Self-Influence: Your Path to Freedom,” in the inaugural issue of UNLEASHED magazine.

Being Present, A Practice

Listen on iTunes

In this podcast, I offer a practice in being present. It’s an opportunity to slow down and reduce stress. But don’t stop there. If you feel ready to create supportive habits to move your life forward, instead of feeling held back or stuck in your current patterns, my ebook could be just the trick. Go to the box to your right, enter your name and address and click PLEASE SEND ME MY EBOOK. I’ll send you a link immediately — and I’ll also stay in touch about ways you can move your life forward in the direction you want to go.

Manage Disappointment, A Body Scan Practice

Listen on iTunes

In this episode, here’s a practice to support you in using disappointment to grow yourself instead of running away. It can help you reduce stress, too!

Please don’t stop there, though. If you feel ready to create supportive habits to move your life forward, instead of feeling held back or stuck in your current patterns, my ebook could be just the trick. Go to the box to your right, enter your name and address and click PLEASE SEND ME MY EBOOK. I’ll send you a link immediately — and I’ll also stay in touch about ways you can move your life forward in the direction you want to go.in this episode:

Being A Shapeshifter, A Practice

Listen on iTunes

You are a shapeshifter, a living matrix. In this episode, I offer a practice in shapeshifting that will reduce stress and increase calm.

But don’t stop there! If you feel ready to create supportive habits to move your life forward, instead of feeling held back or stuck in your current patterns, my ebook could be just the trick. Go to the box to your right, enter your name and address and click PLEASE SEND ME MY EBOOK. I’ll send you a link immediately — and I’ll also stay in touch about ways you can move your life forward in the direction you want to go.

Walking With Intention, A Practice

Listen on iTunes

Habit change is a step-by-step process, just like walking — and walking is managed falling. In this episode, I support you with a practice in walking as an intentional act. This is a powerful learning experience and great stress reduction, too!

Don’t stop there. If you feel ready to create supportive habits to move your life forward, instead of feeling held back or stuck in your current patterns, my ebook could be just the trick. Go to the box to your right, enter your name and address and click PLEASE SEND ME MY EBOOK. I’ll send you a link immediately — and I’ll also stay in touch about ways you can move your life forward in the direction you want to go.